Motherhood was never my ultimate goal in life. It's not that I didn't want children, it's that I never gave it much thought. Not for many years. Sure, I played "house" as a child, and I had a few baby dolls that I would lovingly tend to, but only when the mood was right. The rest of the time they lay in a heap on the floor of my room. In school, teachers told my parents I was a leader in the classroom, mature for my age and very talkative (aka I was a bossy little girl). But I was certainly never referred to as nurturing.
Like a lot of my friends, I babysat during my early teen years. I didn't particularly like the kids I was responsible for, but I took my job seriously and took very good care of my little charges. I looked at babysitting as a means to an end - that was it. I needed money to buy luxuries my parents refused to buy me (like awesome blue leather cowboy boots). I had a few friends who really LIKED babysitting. They loved to hold newborn babies and they enjoyed playing with toddlers. They actually looked forward to the opportunity to interact with the little darlings. Not me. Honestly, for most of my younger years I couldn't have cared less about children.
Flash forward 15 years.
When I was 27 or 28, the desire to have children caught up with me in a big way. Suddenly, and very passionately, I wanted to have children. I had become envious of our friends who already had babies. I would cruise through the baby section of K-Mart and lovingly stroke the tiny clothes and little potty seats. I would cry during diaper commercials. I was obsessed with baby names and bought a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Oh yes - I knew it was time! It took a while for Terry to get on board, but eventually he came to see the wisdom in creating a new generation of little Sandersons.
And so...on January 27th, 1995 I became a mother. And nothing has ever been the same since. From the very first moment our son was born, Terry and I were transformed. We were now responsible for a tiny human being. Our very own tiny human being. Looking at the perfection of our new infant son, I was overcome with fear as I realized what a daunting task we had been entrusted with. It was now up to US not only to keep this little boy alive, but also to help shape him into a productive and worthwhile adult. A man of character and strength and compassion. A man who would live life to the fullest with an open heart and an open mind. A man of great wisdom, but also one with a sense of humor and a zest for life. And it would take at least 18 years before we knew if we were even doing this parenting thing right. Oh my!
I still remember how hard that realization hit me. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably as the realities of parenting a child smacked me in the forehead (pregnancy hormones may have played a roll in my meltdown). I knew right then that it was all up to us! Superhero or serial killer - only time would tell. But we had to rise to the challenge of raising this child. We had to lead by example. We had to be kind and loving, but still firm. We had to set boundaries and offer guidance every day, not just when it was easy or convenient. We had to become better, stronger and more fierce than we had ever been before. But first, we just had to figure out how to give him a bath.
A few years later, we had a second son and our family was complete. I remember worrying that I could never possibly love a second child as much as the first. Little did I understand then that our hearts are boundless and that love for our children has no limits. Whether you have two or twenty-two - you can love them all! When our second son was born we were older and a little bit wiser. He definitely benefited from the experience we had gained parenting his older brother. He was a calm and peaceful little guy - probably because our parenting style had calmed down considerably by then. Thankfully!!
I could literally write for days about the joys of parenting our children. But I don't think I need to. I hope it's enough for me to say my greatest joy has come from raising children. I know Terry would agree. The good, the bad and the ugly - we wouldn't trade a minute of it!! When you're raising a family, the days can be long, but the years go by very fast. One minute you're up all night with a feverish infant and the next minute you're waving good-bye as your adult child prepares to move across the country. It really does happen that fast. But given the opportunity, I would do it all over again without hesitation.
Being a mother to our boys has been the single most important role in my life. Sure, I've always tried to remain multi-faceted. I've developed lots of interests and passions that have nothing to do with my kids (including opening The Foundary). And I know that's really important too. I'm a much better mother (and a better person) when I have lots of creative outlets and other things to keep me busy. But deep down, my priority will always be my children. Even now that they are grown-ups with their own lives.
Through the years, Terry and I have been resolute in our goal to raise good human beings. In a society that values money and fame over quality of character, raising good people might seem like an old fashioned ideal. But it's always been very important to us - and we know we have accomplished this. Of course they are not perfect human beings, but in my eyes, they're pretty darn close. My boys - Ryan and Treyce!
Happy Mother's Day!
Danna
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